Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Favorite Reads of 2015!

Hey guys!

I was going to complain about 2015 being a shitty year overall, but this was the year I got my first book published AND I went to Bizarro Con! So, I can say 2015 was shitty 11 out 12 months.

I'm not going to do a big recap on the year. Instead, I'll pick my top reads of the year.

These are not necessarily the best books released in 2015, but the best books I've read this year. And if you click on the titles, you too can feast your eyes on these exquisite books. After you buy them.

And, if you can, leave a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads. It helps authors. It helps A LOT.

Oh yeah, all the lists are in alphabetical order. And they are all top 6s, instead of top 5s or top 10s. Because 6 is a nice number.

Let's get to it :)))

First up, the top 6 books released in 2015 which I haven't read yet, but am most excited about reading in 2016:

Michael Cisco's Animal Money

John Skipp's The Art Of Horrible People

Carlton Mellick III's Bio Melt

Max Booth III's How To Successfully Kidnap Strangers

Michael J. Seidlinger's The Strangest

Gabino Iglesias' Zero Saints

Now, my top 6 favorite collections/anthologies I've read this year:

Ecstatic Inferno, by Autumn Christian

The Four Gentleman Of The Apocalypse, by G.Arthur Brown, Dustin Reade, Douglas Hackle and S.T. Cartledge

I'll Fuck Anything That Moves and Stephen Hawking, by Violet LeVoit

In the Fishbowl, We Bleed, by Jeremy C. Shipp

Please Do Not Shoot Me In The Face, by Bradley Sands

Underlaid Overlaid, by Jordan Krall

And, finally, the top 6 novels that I read in 2015:

A Choir of Ill Children, by Tom Piccirilli

A God Of Hungry Walls, by Garrett Cook

I Will Rot Without You, by Danger Slater

Long-Form Religious Porn, by Laura Lee Bahr

Musclebound Mario, by Kevin L. Donihe

Teeth and Tongue Landscape, by Carlton Mellick III

That's it, guys. Hope 2016 doesn't suck for you.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Review copies!

Oh, hi. Didn't see you guys there.
How are you? How is your day? Just remember I love you, ok? You're as special as a Jeremy Shipp metaphor.
Now, here's the deal: I know you love me too. I remember the time you spent on your dad's old tool shed.
I'm sure you remember too.
So, in honor of those magical summer moments, I'm offering 5 review copies of my book BENJAMIN to the first five people who ask for it. PDF or Mobi, it's your choice!
All I ask is an honest review. Even if you hate it, a 1-star review would make me as happy as a 5-star one.
Well, not as happy, but every review helps.
So, who wants it? Just give me a heads up on Facebook or Goodreads, and the copy is yours!

Facebook page
Goodreads page

Thank you, I love you.

Friday, October 23, 2015

I'm a New Bizarro Author! (and I'm going to Bizarro Con)

Since the last time I blogged, this happened:

I am now an official New Bizarro Author!

Mid to late August, I was approached by author and editor Garrett Cook. He informed me that he had recently accepted the position of editor for the New Bizarro Author Series (Eraserhead Press' imprint that gives new authors in the Bizarro Fiction genre a chance to prove themselves as writers), and he offered me a chance to finally write my first book.
We threw some pitches around, and he liked Benjamin - although the original pitch was somewhat different (and definitely worse) than the finished product.
He created a Facebook group for all of the authors to work together. We pumped each other (wow, that sounded naughty) up, keep each other working. Every day there was a new "So, how is everyone doing" thread. We became friends and colleagues.
And I typed away, aiming for a mid September deadline. I wrote and I wrote, and I was able to get 20,000 words down on paper for his appreciation.
He liked it.
So, the hard work is all behind me, yes?
Now it's when things get interesting: I (and all of the wonderful authors with whom I worked it) will have to work even harder to promote and sell my book, to generate interest.
I want to thank Garrett, for the invite, plus Rose O'Keefe (Eraserhead Press' editor-in-chief) and Jeff Burk (author, editor) for all they have done to help me and my fellow New Bizarro Authors.
And I want to thank the authors, for all of their mutual support and encouragement. This year's class was a tight one.
We did it, guys!

And in other news, I'm going to Bizarro Con with my girlfriend!
Yes, Sarah and I will be going to this year's Bizarro Con. I'll read with my fellow New Bizarro Authors and I'll perform in the Ultimate Bizarro Showdown!
I did an Indiegogo, and I want to thank everyone who donated. Your perks will be sent out staring December, but the ones going to Bizarro Con will get theirs in hand!
And thanks to the authors who offered perks to help me get donations. You guys are the best!

See you in Portland! :))

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Fireside Popsicles + Writing Updates


So, it's been 10 days since FIRESIDE POPSICLES came out. This book is a wonderful anthology of short stories, featuring names like Bradley Sands, Gabino Iglesias, M.C. O'Neil, Sheila Hall, Andy de Fonseca, Daniel Vlasaty, Michael Allen Rose, Max Booth III, Jeremy Maddux, Jeremy C. Shipp, Mercedes M. Yardley, Rick Austin, Douglas Hackle, and more.

Yeah, it's a lot of juice in one bottle.

You can buy the book by clicking HERE.

I can't say how honored I am to be a part of this, and for the first time ever seeing my name on an actual published work.

Now, for the updates:

My grandma is sick. She's sick, and everyone at my house (we live all together, me, the missus, my parents and my grandparents on my father's side) is nervous, and tense, and the mood is awful. And my writing has suffered from this.

I got to say, I'm scared. Death is natural, but it is never pleasant.

So, things were moving slowly, but now I'm picking up the pace. My future projects include:

- A yet unnamed book about a grown up Anne Frank killing Nazi war criminals. I'm writing this for the wonderful Jordan Krall at Dynatox Ministries. The man is a real sweetheart, despite his grouchy exterior, and I love him.

- THE MICHAEL BAY, a idea that started as a joke after watching the movie THE BAY on Jeremy C. Shipp's Halloween Movie Club. I told Raye Roeske I would write it, and now Kevin Strange at StrangehouseBooks gave me a chance to do it. It's a parody of the aforementioned THE BAY, but with Michael Bay clones instead of  a deadly parasite.

Same thing, right?

So I just want to finish this up by saying how much I love the Bizarro comunity. These people can make a guy from a country a continent away feel right at home. I love you guys.


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Review: Lazy Fascist Press's Early 2014 Releases

Lazy Fascist Press continues to put out outstanding work by amazing writers. I had the honor to read and to review the first three titles from this year batch of novels. Let's get to it!

Click here to buy this book
 Sam Pink's newest book is classic Sam Pink: A minimalist view into people's lives. On this one, we have a nameless protagonist wandering about town, meeting people from the gutters, from the alleys, and bonding with them just for the bonding itself. The character's voice is bleak, as it is his world. The characters, the superhero obsessed Spider-Man, his wheelchair-bound girlfriend with a penchant for theft Janet, etc. They are all real people, and it is Pink's greatest skill to make us love them, make us root for them, make us bet our own emotional well-being on their sucess. Sam Pink is the true weaver of feelings of the 21st Century.

Click here to buy this book
A highly complex work, J.S. Breukelaar's "American Monster" is the sci-fi story of Norma, a being created by KALI 18 to find the Guy with the perfect horn. And when we say "horn", we mean his penis.
This was a truly tough read for me, because my mind was busy with so much stuff, and it took me a long time to finish it. But, it was worth it. Norma's views on the human race, on love, on society in general are thoughtful and well written. The author went to great lenghts to craft each sentence perfectly, and it shows. A dark science fiction story, very contemplative and insightful. Read it with an open mind, and enjoy all of this beautiful complexity.

Click here to buy this book
I admit, this was not a piece of American history I was familiar with. But Alan M. Clark's writing was powerful enough for me to look past my own ignorance on the subject and really enjoy this book. This story is really strong, about a young woman that ran from her abusive, religious father to live with the Harpe Brothers, ruthless killers from the American Old West. All of her choices are driven by her strong will to survive, and although at first she sees the brothers only as a mean of survival, she eventually realizes her feelings towards Micajah Harpe, or Big Harpe as he was known. The Little Harpe, Wiley, was a vicious killer, with an extremely uncontrollable bloodlust. The sisters Bett and Suesanna round up the party. The three women were shared by the men, and they all did what they had to do to survive. This is a story about what life's troubles can force a person to endure just to live another day. A real powerful story, beautifully written.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Review: 2013 New Bizarro Author Series

I did it! When I first saw that all of the seven books from Eraserhead Press's 2013 New Bizarro Author Series were available for Kindle, I let out a loud cheer. I was waiting anxiously for this to happen ever since they originally came out. And I set the goal of reading and reviewing all of them before 2013 ended. I hope everyone who reads this post feels inspired by it to purchase the books, and to support this group of new authors.

Click here to buy this book

This was the first of the 2013 New Bizarro Author Series books I've read, and it kicked things off with a bang.

Jeremy works in a cemetery for appliances, and his head is slowly turning into a television. He meets a talking dog named Benjamin (not "Benny", or "Benji") and then they are kidnapped by a cult that calls itself "The Church of TV as God".

This book is that kind of small book that leaves you wanting for more information. It's like a cult movie, with all action depicted representing a slice of life. The reading is easy and very entertaining, the plot is solid, and altough there isn't much time for character development, all the action and plot makes up for that. Social commentary permeates this book, and forces us to look to ourselves, to our own obsession with TV.

Daniel Vlasaty is a name to watch out for in the future. His writing has what it takes to make it in the Bizarro community.

Click here to buy this book

This is a book for me.

A giant Atari cartridge attacks Denver, and it's up to Jimmy, a former child-prodigy video game contestant-turned Chuck E. Cheese employee, to get to the kill screen and save the world.

This is a solid book. It doesn't read like a first book by a young author. There's strong social commentary, on how we view tragedies in today's hyper-connected world. It's wildly entertaining and funny as hell. Jimmy is a sympathetic character, and we actualy feel bad about his sad existence.

The climax was a bit short for me, left me wanting more. But I guess this could be viewed as a compliment.

This is a great book, and Mrs. Billings will surely be a great addition to the Eraserhead Press's roster.

Click here to buy this book

Tom Clay is attacked in his home, with his wife and son, by a gang of vixens. They kill his son, kidnap his wife and leave him to die. An with this, Tom's journey begins. With a help of Mindy, a runaway vixen, he starts a quest for vengeance and to get his wife back.

This book is ultraviolent. It's like a Tarantino/Rodriguez movie. The narration is superb, an original voice found by the author, and the action is vivid, we can see it in front of us. It's like a noise rock album coming alive right in front of our eyes.

The super small sentences really work for me, permeating the text with an almost stream of consciousness-like feel.

Sensational book.

Click here to buy this book

Kid Phoenix is the baddest gangaster in all Marrowburg. Until one night, when he's ambushed by an unknown attacker, shot in the back and killed. But, after a stormy night at the hospital he was taken to, he reincarnates in the body of little Baby Jaydon, and there is where the fun begins.

This book reads like a noir-comedy, with Bizarro on top like a delicious gravy. The usual one-liners delivered by narrators in crime books are permeated with Bizarro and Surreal characteristics. It's funny as hell, and very entertaining.

And don't forget extra violent.

The scenes with the two cops are hilarious, and add depth to a otherwise linear tale of revenge.

All of the characters are different and surreal, including deranged travel agents, Progeria-inflicted cops, and of course the protagonist, the foul-mouthed gangster-turned-baby.

This is a very entertaining book, and the authors's surreal voice is one that will not die down in the Bizarro community, and beyond.

Click here to buy this book

This book is about a little old lady named Martha and her quest for revenge.

After losing a big high-school basketball game, Martha's grandson Charlie is blamed by the faculty. As a result, Charlie and his family are attacked and killed by the teachers, led by the evil principal Mr. Mayonnaise. Martha is injured in this attack, but she's saved by the Mascots, intelligent animals modeled after mascots for famous sports teams. In the Mascots's farm, Martha trains to became a lethal weapon and to exact vengeance on the people who killed her family.

This book is filthy and entertaining. And funny. Oh man, it is funny. Like "laughing out loud" funny. And it has all of the characteristics of a great Bizarro story: Violence, sex (yes... sex), gore, and funny moments.

A must read for all Bizarro fans, and a nice jumping point for someone looking to get into the Bizarro genre.

Click here to buy this book

A book about two geeks in a journey to save the Universe with a world-controlling video game? Sign me up for that!

Margy and Victor find a old video game with a disc stuck inside it. The disc is for a game called "Adamina", and there's a code scribbled on it. They punch in the code, and the God Mode is activated. They gain control of the OP (original player), and then find themselves caught in the center of a massive conspiracy.

This book is highly entertaining, and it raises some very intelligent questions about the nature of our existence. I can't say more, or else I'll enter spoiler territory. It's Intelligent Bizarro, and very well written by Andy de Fonseca. It doesn't read like a first book. I think Mrs. de Fonseca success will continue within the Bizarro community for years to come.

Click here to buy this book

Isobel and Dresden are lovers who are about to get married. The world around them is rotting away, some strange sickness that afflicts not only people, but even buildings and cars. Dresden's mother does not approve of the wedding, and goes to great lenghts to prevent it from happening. Now, separated from each other with a dying Earth in between, the two lovers must find each other before the end of all things.

"There's No Happy Ending" is a good description for this book, not just its title. We know right from the start that things will not end up well. But the love between Isobel and Dresden it's so strong (and so well-written by author Tiffany Scandal) that we can't help but root for them. We root for a Deus Ex Machina scenario, even though we know it's not coming. And it's love that drives this book, the infinite love one have for the other. All the violence and gore that follows are more of a filling, a way to make the apocalyptic quest more believable. The climax scene is scripted perfectly written, and we hope all through the end.

A fantastic, solid book.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

How I Got Bizarroized

I read from a young age. I started with Agatha Christe, then I passed on to Stephen King and Neil Gaiman. Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Philip K. Dick, Arthur C. Clarke followed. Bizarrely, I just got into the Harry Potter books at a later age, and fell in love with the series. The Lord of the Rings I read in three days as part of a bet (I know that today this don't seem like a big deal, but I was sixteen, and reading that colossus of a book was a big achievement for me).
I was getting older and continued reading books by renowned authors. William Golding, Henry Miller, Anaïs Nin. Whatever caught my eye, I would read it.
When I was seventeen, I began writing.
Correction: When I was seventeen, I began trying to write.
I had infinite story ideas. Whole worlds bloosomed right in front of me, weird characters seemed to born from some uterus in my head.
I participated in a online writer's workshop, which made me friends I still have to this day. But I never produced nothing of quality, except for a story or two.
I had MS Word panic. That black cursor on the screen seemed more like crosshairs aiming at me. Things came out wrong, they hit the paper differently. The beautiful babies I spawned in my Mind's Uterus came out deformed. John Merricks in literary pieces.
There was a time I began thinking that I had no talent at all. This is common, different people had different talents. I played bass guitar, in bands, and I always thought of myself as a good musician, maybe my talent was that one. But then why did those ideas popped up so profusely in my head?
This year, I discovered Bizarro.
My God.
The things I read, they made me smile.
How did I not know about this? How could I lose time like this? Suddenly, it made sense: All the ideas I've ever had went through some sort of cultural filter between the uterus and the paper. I was trying to fit in some (let's say "mainstream") style or genre, and this was sullying my thoughts. This was the radiation that was deforming my beautiful, chubby, pink-cheeked babies.
Today I can sit down and write something I will not hate afterwards. I'm writing a novella, something that was unthinkable for me. I couldn't see me writing anything longer than short fiction. I'm trying to be part of a community that is, unfortunately, a continent away, but I still try. I friended a shitload of people on Facebook, just for being writers or people involved in the genre.
Please don't worry, I'm not some creepy psycho stalker.
I'm just trying to be a part of this wonderful community, that I just now found.
Thanks for reading